Thursday, October 27, 2011


Thought I'd pull a Todd today and look at what the Greek word for relationship is
Koinonia is the anglicisation of a greek word that means communion by intimate participation....Koinonos in classical greek means a companion, a partner, or a joint-owner.  Therefore, koinionia can imply an association, common effort, or a partnership in common.
Yep that's what a relationship looks like alright.  What kids of relationships do we have, I know that I am or have been in a intimate participation as a: mother, wife, sister, daughter, aunt, niece within my family. Those are the first relationships you learn about as you are growing up.  Outside of family I have been a; friend, best friend, lover, employer, employee, doula, business partner, student, neighbour, pseudo mom, daughter, sister.....the list could go on for a while.

What have each of these relationships meant to me over the years (ok saying "over the years" officially makes me feel old).  Wow now that's the question.  I've been loved, cared for, hurt, stomped on, fired.  Hmmm alot of things positive and a lot of things negative.

Being in relationships can be amazing and it can SUCK!  So why on earth do we seek them out, because we get lonely, we need one another because that's how we were designed to be.  Right from the beginning we needed companionship to live.  The words "one another" are listed no less then 56 times in the bible depending on the version you are using.  Of those verses, 45 of them speak of how we should love one another in some way.  Other's speak of how we should NOT act towards each other.

So why do we get relationships so wrong some days.  Better yet why do I get relationships wrong so many days....Yep back to the patterns of day ones blog.  That's another pattern for me.  Looking at the relationships in my life, the longest one I've had (other then family-cuz they are always going to be family) would be Steph.  We've been together for 16 years and 2 months.  I can't say that I have been friends with anyone that long, oh I have high school "friends," and public school "friends" that I have known for quite a bit longer then that, but I don't have a real relationship with them.  We don't get together once a year to rehash old memories etc.  If it wasn't for face book I wouldn't know if some of them were even still alive let alone what has happened to them since we last met.

So why do relationships come to an end.  I don't remember the first time I saw this poem, but it makes so much sense.  I can pinpoint what "season" most of my past relationships were just by reading it's words and thinking of the time of life that person was there for.

Reason, Season, or LifetimePeople come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.When you figure out which one it is,you will know what to do for each person.When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
It still hurts when those relationships come to an end.  In the last year, I've had quite a few of them, I have several reason and season friends, even at least one lifetime friend, but for some reason they've all gone away for one reason or the other.  Yet have they, in my past patterns I would have "un-friended" them, would have deleted their phone #s from the call list, memory list etc-but they're still there!  
I am grateful that I have semi broken that pattern, still some work to do on it, because trust me there are a few that the delete button is very tempting for.  Hmmmm maybe I'm growing up?  

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Breaking the Patterns

Patterns....sat through a very emotional meeting with some very dear friends a few weeks ago.  It was about the fact I had hurt someone very dear to me, because I have a pattern....well one of many, but this one specifically involves, not wanting to say no in case you don't like me anymore.  That decision hurt alot of people and yep it all came directly back at me because it was my pattern that started it.

I've been thinking about that meeting ever since then, and the patterns of my life.  These patterns have set me up in some "comfort zones"-that aren't very comfortable to say the least. And then there is that fact that I can almost always pick someone to blame the pattern/comfort zone on...and alot of times I have used God as the blamee-welllll a certain Pastor whom I love dearly and listen to weekly stood up at the front of church this week and said
"I bear complete responsibity for my own actions and my own decisions. I must take responsibility for my own choices, no other person or circumstance can be blamed for where I am at today."
He then went on to talk about the fact that we understand the rules that are set out for us, and when we break them, it is premeditated.  We know the rules and yet we take that step off the sidewalk anyway, just to see what happens. Basically we are in wilfull rebellion to the things we know are right and chose to do the opposite just to see what will happen.
Well this was God's version of taking the wooden spoon and slamming me over the head with it and hoping that I get it this time around.

What actions have I blamed on others over the last few years....

  1. My weight-My family genes.....This is the body God gave me
  2. My finances-If I had more we'd be better off.....If God would give me more I could....If Steph would help out with the budget it would....I learned how to manage money from my parents and they sucked at money management.
  3. My lack of faith/following God fully....friend who are hypocrites so how can I be any better.
The list could go on...but let's stick with these ones, cuz well they pretty much define everything else in life.

The patterns I have followed for these things in my life have been the same pattern for gosh, the last 20 years-actually more, but I can pinpoint the beginning of choices for both, starting at that time for sure. I have known REALLY known how to deal with each in those 20 years and I have willfully made decisions and choices that have left me stuck in the comfort zone of bad patterns for all 3, which have had domino effects on my entire life.

Today-I start to break those patterns....this blog will be about the struggles, choices, steps forward etc that I take to break them.  I hope that in that journey I don't offend anyone, I will not name names, but I may name circumstances that some may be able to say "hey I was part of that" and understand that that circumstance is part of the journey that  need to take.

Here goes........