I've been thinking about that meeting ever since then, and the patterns of my life. These patterns have set me up in some "comfort zones"-that aren't very comfortable to say the least. And then there is that fact that I can almost always pick someone to blame the pattern/comfort zone on...and alot of times I have used God as the blamee-welllll a certain Pastor whom I love dearly and listen to weekly stood up at the front of church this week and said
"I bear complete responsibity for my own actions and my own decisions. I must take responsibility for my own choices, no other person or circumstance can be blamed for where I am at today."
He then went on to talk about the fact that we understand the rules that are set out for us, and when we break them, it is premeditated. We know the rules and yet we take that step off the sidewalk anyway, just to see what happens. Basically we are in wilfull rebellion to the things we know are right and chose to do the opposite just to see what will happen.
Well this was God's version of taking the wooden spoon and slamming me over the head with it and hoping that I get it this time around.
What actions have I blamed on others over the last few years....
- My weight-My family genes.....This is the body God gave me
- My finances-If I had more we'd be better off.....If God would give me more I could....If Steph would help out with the budget it would....I learned how to manage money from my parents and they sucked at money management.
- My lack of faith/following God fully....friend who are hypocrites so how can I be any better.
The list could go on...but let's stick with these ones, cuz well they pretty much define everything else in life.
The patterns I have followed for these things in my life have been the same pattern for gosh, the last 20 years-actually more, but I can pinpoint the beginning of choices for both, starting at that time for sure. I have known REALLY known how to deal with each in those 20 years and I have willfully made decisions and choices that have left me stuck in the comfort zone of bad patterns for all 3, which have had domino effects on my entire life.
Today-I start to break those patterns....this blog will be about the struggles, choices, steps forward etc that I take to break them. I hope that in that journey I don't offend anyone, I will not name names, but I may name circumstances that some may be able to say "hey I was part of that" and understand that that circumstance is part of the journey that need to take.